A L I G H T
E R N O T E T O E N D O N
Letter to a wife, mother, granny, are friend of a returning sailor from the South Atlantic.
One of those little mysteries in life is the sailor home from the sea. Our hero has been much misunderstood over the centuries by the public and military police alike; similarly his nearest, dearest and his mother-in-law have often had just the smallest difficulty in understanding these little changes which may have appeared in his character. You may not spot them at all; they may hit you between the eyes like a Henry Cooper left hook. For those who don't spot them, you must be gifted or stupid - you are gifted. For those who are hit between the eyes, I offer a few explanations to help you reel from the blow and maybe to persuade against retaliatory action. Below you will find a few possible changes in your sailor:
1. You may find him sitting on the floor in the passage, clutching an overnight grip for hours on end.
2. He may wear lace curtains or underwear over his head and tuck his trousers into his socks.
3. He may prefer to eat his meals standing up.
4. He may slam doors and try to twist off the handle.
5. He may refer to anything floating in his tea/coffee/soup as kelp.
6. He may not want to read a newspaper unless it is at least two weeks old.
7. He might try to turn the car into an automatic by fixing it with a matchstick.
8. He may dive to the floor on hearing loud noises.
Having spotted these minor changes in his
character, here are a few
points of guidance on how to make life more bearable.
1. Don't give him stew for at least 3 months.
2. Don't give him corned beef-EVER.
3. If hungry at night, give him some cool spaghetti with the sauce thinned down with water.
Finally try to bear with these differences in your life and try to humor your sailor. You are bound to hear the odd shout in the night of 'Exocet or Mirage' . He is bound to be a bit twitchy at first, three visits to Gibraltar and nowhere else in 4 months is enough for anyone.
A last word - he did win the war on his own.
Extract from a letter received from one of our wives. This Just about says it all!!!!!!!
Today the QE2 arrived back in Southampton, I don't know why the interviewers ask the most stupid questions, like "How does it feel to be home" and "What will you be doing this weekend" or "What did you miss most", What the heck do they think?!
I KNOW what I'll be feeling when you get home and I KNOW what we'll be doing the first weekend, and I know what you are missing most !!!!????!!!!
HERMES, GOOSEGREEN, HANDBRAKE, HERMES, BOMB ALLEY, PUCARA, HERMES, SAN CARLOS, SKYTRAIN, HEADS UP WEST, HERMES, 209, DARKEN SHIP (THE BEST PIPE OF THE DAY), HERMES, SUPER ETENDARD, GOALKEEPING, HERMES, FUNNEL CHAFF, A4'S, GUN LINE, EXOCET, HERMES, 22/42 COMBO, MIRAGE, PEBBLE ISLAND, HERMES (AGAIN), ETC... WILL NEVER SEEM THE SAME AGAIN.